The Dark Room

Category: Lifestyle | Tags(#): Life , love , dark room , darkroom , darkness , pain , hurt

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Published May 17, 2021, 8:12 p.m. by Jennifer Appoh (jenniferappoh@gmail.com)

"How does a heart break twice?”

Chimamanda Adichie, a prolific writer posed this question when she spoke for the first time over her mother’s death.  I thought to myself, “this question must come from a very deep place, from a very dark room”. 

A dark room is like a mirage to the outsider. Until you’re in it, one assumes it's a simple place to be. If you happen to be a person who considers smouldering as a way of dealing with things, you’d realize that you find yourself in the dark room more often than not.
Ever felt like a stranger in your own home? When I say home; I mean your body? Have you ever felt trapped in your own life? And just waited for the next worst thing that could happen? That is how the dark room feels like. 

When everybody moves on and somehow you can’t because it still hurts; the pain lingers, you know you're in the dark room. The dark room is very lonely and subtle, so you barely realize that you’re in it until it’s too late, and nothing helps. No! not even shouting for help is an option. You are there alone. Sometimes you become disdainful of others; it might make you feel better but you know the effects are only passive.  What was once important becomes too uninteresting and far-fetched, and you begin to question yourself, “Is this really meant for me? Am I the right person to pursue this dream? If I am, why is everything against me?” 

It gets out of hand when you realize you trusted the wrong person. That person was so perfect to have disappointed you and it hurts so bad. You wish you could go back and make it all better but you can't. You get deeper into the dark room when you can't even trust your instincts anymore. Now you live in fear and paranoia. “This person has the potential of hurting me, I better run”, you begin to distrust and question any kind gesture or act. You understand that being hurt and going through the pain is all a part of life but you simply can't bring yourself to go through and much more survive another heartache. 

Sometimes, the dark room is when you hide in the world of someone's dreams. Yours is too challenging so it becomes easier to hide. You live because that person lives. Even though it sounds pathetic, you prefer that over your reality and it is no use fighting it. You don't seem to find the courage to find yourself! The dark room is when you are tired of all that is wrong but can't find the right words to say exactly what's wrong. 

The dark room can also be a place of bitterness. You hate your very existence. Sometimes you hate someone with a passion, and the fact is that we have all been there before, some more than others. Now the million-dollar question remains, “How do we come out of it? Do we even know why we are there in the first place?” Sometimes you are lucky to know so you easily come out. 

What if you are just sad about life in itself? How do you come out? 

I want you to remember this when you feel like you’re about to enter into the dark room:

Take a deep breath, and remind yourself that you are not alone, there are more people and elements working for you than you can imagine. You can't solve all your problems so learn to live a day at a time. And for those dreams of yours, no matter how rugged they are shaped, know that it will all work out eventually, just keep doing what you're doing towards achieving them. 

You can't live in someone else’s dreams. You can't put your life on hold for someone. You matter to God and He destined you for greatness. The dark room is just a phase and once you’ve mastered the art of self-love and positivity, you can turn all those dark clouds and rain into a sunny and colourful day. 

I hope this inspires someone to find the courage to live a full life and overcome negativity with positivity.  You can't control how things happen, but you can always control how you react to it.

 Have a lovely week

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Read all posts by Jennifer Appoh (jenniferappoh@gmail.com)

Don't write what you think people want to read.Find your voice and write about what's in your heart....... Quentin Tarantino.